What About Me?
This is a summary of my life and my journey to seek answers.
My name is Larry and since 1974 I have been looking for "My Purpose" and this search became stronger from 1977 (over 49 years now).
My first teachers were all Buddhist and then when I was 26 I had a "Gong" moment and switched to Judaism.
I was fortunate to be born ugly so vanity was never my strong point. This blessing allowed me to focus on following the invisible 
In other words, I developed greater interests compared to looking in a mirror all day.
Being ugly also allowed me to go places without being harasser. It also made me rather reclusive - and this was another bonus I was given by The Creator.
I quickly learned to avoid people who find 2 cents worth of regurgitated knowledge on a click bait website and then proclaim themselves experts on their social media.
I am no one of any importance. My life has been like a corner in an empty room.
What I have written here - while important for those who are looking for answers to ascend - is very limited in scope because "we" have been lied to SO MANY times throughout our history, that most people just believe these lies because if they ask questions, those at the bottom of the food chain start pulling them down.
Each person has the potential to "find the Truth" or to "create their own truth".
My goal was to find The Truth regardless of how it affected me, my friends or what I had been taught or what I believed.
Whilst anti-intellectualism is rampant ("Tall Poppy syndrome"), ("Crabs in a Barrel") it is still better than what the 
You Remember More Than You Realize ↟↟
My very first memory was as a baby laying in my cot (crib) and a crow landing on the window sill - above my cot - and 
Over 20 years later I asked her about this "memory" and she recalled the incident - because crows were notorious for picking the eyes out of bogged and helpless sheep and cattle - and she told me that I was only several months old when this incident occurred.
She said that she remembered because she was fearful of my safety. My grandmother had many years of farming experience which is how she knew about crows.
I am including this because most people think that babies do not remember anything - and this is not correct. Everything you say to your child or around your child goes into their sponge brain and becomes a formative part of their life.
Babies are more intelligent than most people realize and this is why it is important to treat them with love and respect from even before they are born. 
My life after that was not really normal, from being placed in an orphanage for nearly 3 years to moving schools once or twice a year.
@ 14
When I was 14 my mother literally threw me out on the street. Apparently when you are 14 you are not supposed to be interested in Fasting and Meditation, at least not in the Dark Ages where I lived.
So I got a job as a cowboy (stockman / ringer) and I joined the ARMY when I was 17.
It was mainly in the Army that I was exposed to the other side of life.
Many "guys" I knew in the Army (infantry) developed a strange sense of detachment from the reality of regular life because we knew that IF anything "happens" we are at the sharp end of the stick and we have a high probability of dying.
First I read Colin Wilsons book 
This opened up multiple new worlds to me because many of these people had travelled to - and lived in - countries like India, Nepal, Japan, etc and studied advanced esoteric doctrines towards enlightenment.
So after the Army, I had a list of countries I had to visit, including, Singapore, Malaysia, Thailand, India, Nepal and others.
It was on the island of Koh Samui (Thailand) that I met 2 Israeli's and they told me that like Nepal and India, there were places of esoteric study in Israel called Yeshivas. So I added Israel to my list.
India further enriched my world as I met "Tamil" Indians (Southern India) who could do amazing things with their bodies. Like the Tamil festival of
When I returned home, I became more interested in psychic and metaphysical things and read many books and spoke with everyone from Sanyasins to Sufi's.
One of my teachers from Iran (Safiyya) explained to me that Sufi's could attain the first stages on enlightenment by repeating the name of their god - but he also said that this level of enlightenment could also be attained by use any other word or non word and it all depended on what you believed.
He said that he and his friends had left Iran because they were persecuted for seeking "god" instead of following the koran which had been edited TOO many times to be true.
He told me that if they had stayed, they would have been killed for being Sufis.
He said that if you truly seek "god", then the path is in your heart and not in words written by people with personal agendas.
Interestingly, barring a few exceptions, the absolute majority of the people I spoke with who were genuine seekers, and they had the most beautiful souls which was reflected in their thoughts, their speech and their actions.
Avoid Shrinks ↟↟
Avoid Psychologists and Psychiatrists.
I was lucky to meet 3 psychologists who had just returned from India and when they saw the things I could do, they advised me very strongly to never go to see a Psychologist or a Psychiatrist.
They told me that I would be put on medications to make me "normal" and even possibly locked up because of my beliefs in psychic phenomena - remember that this was back in 1981.
Trying to get approval from people who are trained to give you plastic medicine is not a very intelligent thing to do.
If you think that Psychologists and Psychiatrists are smart, try eating plastic 3 times a day and see how long you last.
The Truth Is
The truth is that I was lost and I was looking for answers.
I realized when I was young that drinking, smoking and drugs were not the answer and that people who took drugs for spiritual experiences were deluded.
Why deluded?
Because while they were "on" the drug, they experienced "something" but when they came "off" the drug, their balloon world collapsed.
I was lucky enough to have a teacher who instructed me on the detriment of taking drugs. He said that drugs were like looking the wrong way down a telescope.
He said, "You experience something but the vision is not expansive, it is just different and ultimately constrictive".
He also said that, "meditation is free and you can take it anywhere".
He said, "Think of you mind as having hundreds of doors, drugs blow open those doors are damage them and often, "other" entities can enter and then you end up in a loony bin (mental facility)".
Whatever experience you have on drugs is nothing compared to what you may have if you used your mind and meditation to travel the same road. Another major important point is that meditation can be taken anywhere you go and it is FREE.
The fact that I was lost in this world did not induce me to want to take pharmaceuticals. What a waste of money and life these are.
I have often met people on prescription medications who have some kind of wonderful spiritual experience and then they immediately deny having it.
Or they put the experience down to a hallucinogenic side affect from the medications they are on.
What a waste and what a shame.
This "medication" behavior was once described to me as a negative society psychosis.
When I turned 26 I went to Israel and stayed for just under 3 years. I grew up in a Christian society yet no one I met and asked, had ever read the "bible" in Biblical Hebrew and they all relied (great applicable word, re means back or again and lied means lied) on translations by people who may or may not have been biased.
My father had been in a concentration camp during WWII and I still remember him eating eating "lard and raw potatoes".
My father was NOT interested in religion and told me that he would write me out of his "Will" if I went to Israel.
My Grandmother told me the same thing, but I went anyway - and lost both my inheritances.
I remember around 1990 a lecture by the late and great (2 eyed) Prof Barbara Thiering (Sydney Uni) who was one of the translators of the Dead Sea Scrolls. She said that when the "priests" - who were also doing translations - came to a difficult word or phrase, they would simply "assume" that it meant whatever they felt fitted with their personal religious narrative and translated accordingly.
This video is similar to her lecture.
For example, if you read the very first line of the Old Testament (Torah) it does NOT actually say "In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth".
And while it is implied, it does not actually say that as an emphatic statement.
I will be doing the first 2 chapters of Genesis at a later date and this covers what is actually said from a mystical perspective.
The name for "God" is not actually mentioned which the first Rabbi's knew and understood this and so they gave "God" the Zen Name of HaShem because it is a name which means "The Name" but is not actually "THE name". (also see
Consider how many people say the name "g o d" when swearing or having an orgasm or other such trivial expression.
So why would an intelligent entity give stupid people one of the powers of creation by revealing "their true name" to these people?
So what is
But hey, if you want lies, ask someone who has NEVER studied Hebrew.
Most of you will not like the answer but this is just your ego being bruised.
In some older religious books, the name of their "god" is associated with the first letter of their alphabet. In the Torah, THE name does not even get a mention - it is implied - and this I suspect is so that people do not identify or associate anything remotely physical or tangible as a true representative of "The Creator".
This is because you do not understand that when you die, everything (EVERYTHING) physical disappears and there is just your soul remaining. (see
Compared to humans, anything "above" us spiritually is more "god like" than anything in the physical universe.
I once asked the question, "Is there a god"? and this is the answer I got back.
- There is God
- There is ONLY God
- There is Nothing else. - (see
"Is There A God" )
This subconscious "deifying" mentality has been ingrained in our psyche for so long, most of you cannot see it even though you use the names of these gods on a daily basis.
Astrological
I discovered that most (if not all) of the ancient "gods" were actual celestial entities -- as in planets, moons, suns and visiting celestial bodies like Isis and Osiris -- or Kali etc -- and that the representation of (for example) "Arms" (like Kali has 4 or 8 arms) were accompanying planets or in the case of Osiris being cut into 14 "specific" pieces, these were also accompanying planets once you studied past the basic myth stories and got into the deeper explanations. (see
And what is with this "Pleiades" business?
In fact we still use these ancient "gods" name today and I am sure that most of you have no idea that you say these on a daily basis. Check out the
So a series of Layers (מדרגות or Steps) - like night and day - were created to ensure that we could exist
How many levels (steps מדרגות) you ask?
Again it tells you at the end of the first 7 days of creation in the old testament. This is different from the
4 other points you miss in translations.
You see, (Yom) and (YM) may be translated as DAYS but then you miss the hidden meanings which I explain on the 7 Days Conundrum page.
1) The first day is called DAY ONE while all of the rest are called second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh.
2) And the second point is Why does it start with "There was night and there was Day?"
You would think that day came before night - but you would be mistaken, because the light of that which existed before (1) the first Day already existed and it was the "Filtered" light which was represented as darkness which is mentioned as night in the context of the verses.
3) Why is the Shabbat invisible?
4) Why does each day have a twin?
Why not mention THE name of God?
Remember that this planet has been a highly "Idol Ridden" world (even today) and the General Population worshipped anything they thought would benefit them.
Even today, the catholic church (usually) has statues and crosses inside the church and Islam worships the Kaaba and a meteorite.
Kaaba's are relics from olden days when prostitute priestesses would take "donors" inside and "unload" their baggage. (see
When I travelled throughout SE Asia I met many Buddhists who mistakenly called Buddha a god.
FYI: "Buddha" (बुद्ध) is a title meaning "Awakened One" or "Enlightened One" in Sanskrit and Pali, referring to someone who has awakened from the "deep sleep of ignorance" to the true nature of reality.
Then I found out that some religions accept (the English word is worship) millions of deities - but then I studied more and found our that - for example - Shinto talks about everything having a life force (today we call this structure as being atomic energy) and so western ignorance literally translated something which they did not fully understand.
I am NOT saying that we should worship a rock just because it has an atomic energy structure, but what I am saying is that the Universe is made up of energy and that "some" of the ancients equated this energy as being connected to the life-force of creation itself.
If you do not accept the truth of what is, then how can you eventually find the real truth after you have dismissed everything out of arrogance.
I am NOT saying that it is right or wrong, but it was - or still is - someone's truth and if we learn from their level and then ascend, we have increased our own spiritual worth.
This concept of everything be made up of energy is actually not foreign and there is actually an ancient Latin word called
If we understood that the Universe is created Ex-Nihilo, then perhaps we would appreciate the source of this creation and be less arrogant?
Idol worship continues amongst the dull and the ignorant.
Even today we see this where people worship beauty, money, social status, the Owl and even satan (commonly known by their movie star names).
None of these things exist when you die - and I know because I have died
One of my first teachers had lived and studied Buddhism in Tibet for many years and I found that his Buddhist teachings and many Hebrew teachings were very similar, once you looked past the surface.
For example: the word "Bharat" (भारत) is the older (pre-English) name for India. Interestingly, "Bharat" also has other meanings, including "one who bears or carries", and also "one engaged in search of light or knowledge".
Bharat is the Sanskrit name for India, signifying "one who is in search of knowledge" or "devoted to light" ("Bha" / "Bhr" (भ) = Light or Knowledge, "rata" (रत) = Devoted).
The Sanskrit root word bhr (भृ), means "to bear" or "to carry".
This was The Light that I was looking for.
Those familiar with the expression "Yoke Of The Torah" is similarly worded to "one who bears or carries".
Or how about Tor-H which may be translated a "Path To HaShem" where HaShem is light and knowledge similar to another meaning of Bharat ("one engaged in search of light or knowledge").
This path is slightly different from Nativ נתיב or Nativah (Netivah) נתיבה which means personal path. (up the mountain)
Compare the word (reference point) HaShem to the mantra by the sage Adi Shankara called
Guru Shankara says in his mantra, Shivo-Hum which means "I am Shiva" but not in the arrogant way that He (per se) is the godhead, but that he is PART of Shiva just as we are all part of the Creator God.
Those who understand the
Also, for those of you who have died (
FYI: The word Elohim actually means "The Godly". The secret to this is found in the first and last letters of the Torah.
The "Hebrews" decided to call "God" HaShem for various reasons.
In fact there are great hidden mysteries in the names HaShem which includes Moshe (Moses), and ShemHey.
See if you can spot anything. משה - שמה - השמ
Part of the answer lays hidden in Abraham. אברהם - הבראם - בראהם
And so I discovered many jewels like this in Hebrew, but I also discovered many of the "hidden" meanings and so I was happy.
To this day I do not understand how people can say that they are Christian and yet have never read the original texts in the original Hebrew language.
Rabbi Isaac Lauria (The Ari Z'al) had a great method for expounding hidden meanings in words, phrases and their association with other words or phrases.
He would meditate on these "words" or phrases until he had uncovered many of their hidden meanings.
Meditating on a word or words or sentences was a new and weird concept to me but I tried it anyway. It works.
Home Sweet Home
Again I returned home and drifted aimlessly from job to job.
I had no purpose for living and yet I continued.
I remembered a gifted Sai Baba disciple I met when I was 22 who told me that I would not find my "Master" until I was old.
So I persisted.
At 29 I studied and qualified as a hypnotherapist. The stories I could tell you about past lives and human potential, most of you would not believe.
From 31 - 35 I became tired of people and I went and lived in the bush on my own. I also became more interested in organics but most of the time I was doing meditation and studying various religions looking for commonalities.
I noticed that the grass in the area around where I studied and meditated, grew taller and greener than the other plants in the immediate area.
Occasionally I would work for a while and then retreat back to my abode in the bush.
When I studied or meditated before sunrise, I found that these were the most enjoyable hours and I made the assumption that since most people were asleep, the cacophony of their minds was dramatically less.
Interestingly, in Buddhism, it is recommended to meditate approx 1 hour before sunrise (called the
This was exactly the same conclusion I had arrived at.
Living in the bush also gave me a sense of serenity.
There is a book I read called The
This book introduced me to the Japanese word Mushin (無心) which has a several meanings. One meaning is control and the other meaning is ignorance.
The word MU also means "nothing" (and is still used in East Asia today) and the word SHIN can mean (new) or divine or deity.
Loosely translated, MuShin can also mean No Soul (no spirit).
Living in the bush gives you that feeling of freshness and clarity when meditating - at least this has been my experience.
At 36 I got interested in computers and by 39 I had set up my own internet marketing business.
At 42 I met my wife "to be" and within 8 months we were married.
We are still together since 2001. I love listening to my wife talk and I know that some religions do not accept men listening to women talking but I can tell you this, IF you truly love your wife (partner), then you never grow tired of listening to them, because one day, they will not be around and you will cherish every micro-second you spent together.
Sadly, I suspect that this "not listen to your wife" rule was created back in the dark ages when women were not allowed to be educated and thus had a limited range of topics to talk about.
Sadly this mindless rule persists even today in some cultures. Imagine living in a society where 
Another valuable point is that my wife is also a very intelligent spiritual being. She does not get involved with gossip and other mundane trivia and is also searching for answers.
In fact the very first question she asked me when we first met was "Why are we here?"
Throughout all of the intervening years I have kept interested in - and reading about the esoteric world which exists all around us.
And Then I Died
In May 2023 I fell over and smashed my skull on the floor and there was a loud popping sound like when you hit a coconut with a hammer or rock.
The next thing I remember is floating above my body and looking down at all of the blood around my head and on the floor like an unwanted halo.
I remember thinking that my wife will not like the mess I made on her clean floor. 
I suddenly felt a joyful feeling and everything in my physical world became completely irrelevant. I was in a state of complete calm unlike anything I have ever experienced even in my deepest meditations.
Even years later, the "echo" of this stillness touches my soul when I meditate on it.
The next thing I remember was looking at my wife's face and seeing how upset she was, then I "woke up" and agreed that I should go to Hospital.
For almost 4 weeks I slept for over 23 hours a day and every time I was woken up by the nurses for this test or that test, I saw my wife sitting or sleeping (uncomfortably) next to me (in the hospital).
Every time I went to sleep (for weeks), I saw a light in the distance when I closed my eyes - as if waiting for me to go towards it.
I believe that it was - and is - the love from my wife that not only kept me alive but continues to help sustain me to this day.
Several years ago, I had the saddest 10 days of my life when I realized that one day my wife and I would be separated by death and that I may not see her again. I was despondent for almost 10 days and then I thought that I should enjoy every micro second that I have with her and not focus on the future.
Be in the "now". How many times had I read this Buddhist philosophy?
Because if I focused on a negative aspect of the future, I would ruin all of the beautiful seconds we will spend together until that fateful day.
One thing I remember from my
Please Join Me
Please join me in this meditation quest.
There is lots of info on this website about why this project is important for all of us, including you and your family.
I have even included
I Aspire
As the Dalai Lama said, "Aspire to be better than yourself".
You may also like...
Please email a friend
